


A Very Glee Chatroom

by ahathani



Category: Glee
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Humor, M/M, Trolling, just kids chatting being kids, why did i think this was a good idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 18:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17772161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahathani/pseuds/ahathani
Summary: Kurt welcomes Blaine in the ND kids' chatroom. Blaine just wanted to remind Kurt about their plans... how will Kurt's friends react?





	1. welcome to our gleeful chat

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted @ fanfiction.net, a long time ago. I've decided to gather my previous works @ AO3 because this is where I live now.  
> *  
> Original note:  
> I really like chatfics – all the awesome nicknames people come up with for the gang! And I like the "conversation only" format, fun to play out cool convos. Here's my take on it.
> 
> Still don't own Glee. Stupid Santa.

_Mr. Anderson joins the channel._

Lord Gagay: Hey guys, this is Blaine. Hi Blaine.

Mr. Anderson: Hi Kurt. Um… Your nickname is kind of disturbing.

Lord Gagay: Someone (and by someone I mean you, Puckerman) hacked my account and changed it. Now I have to wait for a week before I can change it back.

Puck You: Don't flip, it lookz good on ya.

Born to Bitch: Hey Mr. Hair gel!

Mr. Anderson: Always nice talking to you, Santana.

Born to Bitch: _'devil'_

3: hai Blain. yor nik iz borin.

Mr. Anderson: Uh…

Lord Gagay: That's Brittany.

Mr. Anderson: Oh, I should've guessed. Hi Brittany. Have you seen the Matrix?

3: yea todaly. i kip it undur my bed. it sinz mi to sleap.

Mr. Anderson: Okay… anyway, your own nickname is very… creative.

3: i kno. i hav niks for difrent moodz. 3 iz for green.

Mr. Anderson: Well isn't that amazing. By the way, Kurt, you must have left your phone where you can't hear it – I just wanted to remind you that our appointment is in two hours.

Lord Gagay: Oh GOD what time is it? I gotta go change! Later people!

_Lord Gagay left the channel._

Mr. Anderson: Okay guys, nice talkin' to you, bye!

Mercedes: HOLD IT.

Mr. Anderson: ?

Mercedes: What's up with the appointment? You didn't get my baby sick with anything nasty, did you? 'evil'

Mr. Anderson: Jesus, of course not! We're both perfectly healthy.

Mercedes: What is it then? Spill!

Mr. Anderson: Oh we just decided to get matching tattoos. Ok gtg, bye!

Mr. Anderson left the channel.

Mercedes: _'shock' 'shock' 'shock'_

Puck You: Did he srsly jus say their getting INKED? 'LOL'

Born to Bitch: Hummel with a tatt. That's gonna be priceless.

Asian Idol: Crap, I totally should've talked Mike into getting matching tattoos :(

Asian Idle: _'facepalm'_

3: i duno wat dat iz, but I wana eet sum.


	2. choices, choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big one! In this part Blaine and Kurt are gone and ND kids buzz away about the news.

Puck You: hey Brit, once I get mine ill let you lick it!

5: kool. i prefur to bite tho

Born to Bitch: That's something totally worth biting off.

Sleepwalker joins the channel.

Sleepwalker: Yo ppl, wassup?

Asian Idle: Yo buddy! _'thumbs_up'_

5: hai arti

Asian Idol: check out the news! Kurt and Blaine are getting matching tattoos.

Sleepwalker: _'shock' 'shock' 'shock'_

5: waw Mersediz sed the saim thin, arti u reed maindz! _'alien'_

Sleepwalker: No, actually that's cuz Mercedes is my clone _'alien'_

5: I alwaiz new it.

Sleepwalker: Anyway, that sure is big news _'LOL'_

Lucy Caboosey joins the channel.

Lucy Caboosey: I just got Santana's text, is that true? Also Puck, you are dead meat _'evil' 'evil'_

Puck You: It wasnt me!

Lucy Caboosey: Then tell Lauren SHE's dead meat. Though I bet you taught her how to hack these chat accounts.

Puck You: well who knew that Im this haker jeenius.

Lucy Caboosey: …

Lucy Caboosey: Whatever. So is it true?

Born to Bitch: Yep, that's what Blaine told us. Our lovey-dovey boys are getting matching tatts.

Mercedes: Okay I think I'm gonna pass out now.

_Mercedes is now Away From Keyboard._

_IAteYourMom joins the channel._

IAteYourMom: Yo _'troll_face'_

Puck You: Hey babe.

_Lucy Caboosey mimics blasting IAteYourMom's brains out._

IAteYourMom: Hey, awesome username! _Falls over. Laughs to death._

IAteYourMom: I bet they'll get one of those lameass half'n'half tattoos, two halves of a heart or smth.

Sleepwalker: I think they'll go for fantasy motives. Like elves.

Born to Bitch: Or unicorns!

Born to Bitch: oh yeah, and one would get the head and the other the butt.

Puck You: Id pay 100$ to see Hummel get a unicorn butt tattoo.

IAteYourMom: I'll pay you 200$ to get one.

Puck You: Love you 2, babe _'heart'_

5: wy wud Kurt get a unicorns butt, hiz own alredi luks laik wun.

Asian Idle: _'LOL'_

Sleepwalker: I think it'd be cool if they got one of those hieroglyph tattoos.

Asian Idol: oh yeah, and all the Asian people who met them would laugh their heads off.

Sleepwalker: ?

Lucy Caboosey: why's that?

Asian Idol: Because they never mean what they're SAID to. They tell you "this means love" but it actually means "potato" or "chair" or anything else

Puck You: srsly? _'LOL'_

Asian Idle: or "monkey's ass"

Asian Idol: or "loser"

Asian Idle: or "idiot who wants to look cool but doesn't know crap about Chinese"

Born to Bitch: Dammit, I'll have to get rid of mine. It might as well be saying "fat sushi" on my…

Sleepwalker: ? ? ?

Asian Idle: ? ? ?

IAteYourMom: Dudes, I totally heard you unzip your pants.

Asian Idol: not everything Asian's about sushi, you racist.

Born to Bitch: Screw you, I'm not telling.

5: I alwaiz thot that simbol meenz buturfly.

Asian Idle: Oh-kaaay…

Born to Bitch: SHUSH! _'devil'_

Lucy Caboosey: I think it would be hilarious if Blaine got like a tiger tattooed on, and Kurt – a tiger cub.

IAteYourMom: Blaine would totally rock a pair of wings on the shoulder blades. I bet my left leg he's got one smokin' bod under that blazer.

Born to Bitch: Oh yeah. First time I saw him I totally wanted to bite his face to see if it tastes as delicious as it looks.

5: thei sey peepl taist sweet.

Born to Bitch: it was a metaphor. Or something.

5: but thei todaly taist like chikin nugets.

IAteYourMom: I'm not sure if I want to know how…

Asian Idol: And Kurt could get dragonfly wings or something. So delicate.

Puck You: Id get like demon bat wings. With claws.

IAteYouMom: They'd look hot.

Puck You: _'heart'_

IAteYourMom: on your butt.

Puck You: _'heart' 'heart' 'heart'_

Lucy Caboosey: I think Kurt's style is more like a quote in a fancy font. Maybe a line from a Broadway musical.

Asian Idol: hell yeah! It'd look super-great on his wrist.

Asian Idle: or armpit.

Asian Idle: _'LOL'_

5: Kurts armpits taist like bread?

Asian Idle: _'facepalm'_

Puck You: I bet Hummel will get somethin totally girly. Like a flower bracelet on his ankle.

Lucy Caboosey: EW. Flower tattoos look horrible on guys.

_Mercedes is Back._

Mercedes: oh man. Guys, isn't there anything else to talk about?

IAteYourMom: hell to the no!

Sleepwalker: Not really.

Asian Idol: well, this IS actually fun…

Puck You: Mercedes, wut do YOU think wud look better on Hummel – "Lady Gaga Rules" in Chinesse, a flower bracelet on his ankle or a unicorn's butt?

Mercedes: _'facepalm'_

_Mercedes left the channel._

IAteYourMom: You are yet weak, young padawan.

5: I thnk Kurt shud get a hamstur hed.

Puck You: _'LOL'_

Sleepwalker: that would surely be… unique. But where?

Asian Idol: shoulder?

Lucy Caboosey: Chest?

5: nooo. i ment leik a hed. tu keap it in a jar.

Asian Idol: ...

Born to Bitch: I think Imma go barf out my lunch.

Asian Idle: _'facepalm'_


	3. finntrolling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is buzzing with anticipation and Mike facepalms a lot.

_Lucy Caboosey is now Away From Keyboard._

Asian Idol: now's probably a good time to try and change the subject…

_Finnstermonster joins the channel._

Finnstermonster: Hey guys! _'cool'_

IAteYourMom: ok NOW's the best time to change the subject.

Asian Idol: totally.

Finnstermonster: what? What're you talkin bout?

Asian Idle: _'confused'_

Born to Bitch: okayz ppl, not a word about it to Finn!

Puck You: why not?

Born to Bitch: cuz mister Dorkzilla will totally spill to the dad. Or WORSE – to Rachel the midget mistress of babbling.

5: todali tru. i had a dreem wer raichel tuk ovur the wurld wit hur evul dwarv armi. al mai dreems com tru!

Finnstermonster: okay what the HELL? ? What's up with the secreting? _'evil'_

IAteYourMom: it that even a word?

Asian Idle: I'm pretty sure it's not… and English isn't even my native tongue.

5: hau du u spiik witout a tunng? and mor importntly, hau du u kiss? _'shock'_

Asian Idle: _'facepalm'_

Finnstermonster: WHATEVER! Cmon guys, it's not cool – what are you talkin about? ! What DAD?

Born to Bitch: oh snap, he caught it.

Sleepwalker: is it really that big of a deal? I mean, Blaine told us, like it was nothing special…

IAteYourMom: ok HE said it. Everybody saw that? I didn't say anything – Artie said it.

Asian Idol: oh great.

Finnstermonster: Blaine? Is this about him and Kurt? It IS, I get it. What happened?

Born to Bitch: ok next one to spill will have my name scratched all over their body. And not in a hot sexy way! _'devil'_

Sleepwalker: so what's the big deal?

Born to Bitch: you already can't walk, dude, you should treasure whatever you're still able to do _'devil'_

Sleepwalker: ok got it. I get a hint when I… you know… get one. Right.

Puck You: been there dun that. Scars do NOT make a man more attractiff.

IAteYourMom: You told me those were from when you fell into a pool while cleaning it.

Puck You: wups…

5: pukk did santana drau flowerz on u tu? _'sunflower'_

IAteYourMom: oh baby, you and I are gonna have a talk… _'troll_face'_

Puck You: (message blocked by language filter)

Puck You: do jews go to heaven when their killed in a very cruel bloody way?

_Puck You left the channel._

IAteYourMom: _'LOL'_

Finnstermonster: okay this is soo not funny guys. TELL ME! Did they have a fight?

IAteYourMom: No, Finn, they didn't. They're perfectly fine and happy together. Trust me.

Asian Idol: That's true!

Asian Idle: _'thumbs_up'_

Finnstermonster: For some reason I dont believe you at all. Come on, just tell me.

Sleepwalker: Amazing. This is the first time EVERYONE's telling him the truth, and he doesn't believe us.

Finnstermonster: Liars! I bet something terrible happened, like Blaine dumped Kurt and now Kurt ran off somewhere to be miserable. Admit it! _'angry'_

IAteYourMom: that is so not the case…

5: kurt and blain went shopin for unikorn butts.

Born to Bitch: Britt, shush!

Asian Idol: hush!

Sleepwalker: Brittany!

5: i want santana to scrach mai bak (

Finnstermonster: WTF? What is that supposed to mean?

Sleepwalker: oh you know, there isn't necessarily any meaning in that statement…

Asian Idol: yeah! Like, you know, her way of saying they're going out… being gay… like, shopping for unicorns!

Asian Idle: _'facepalm'_

Asian Idol: well, YOU think of a better one!

Finnstermonster: woah, wait. Brit said butts… she didn't mean… ? ! ?

IAteYourMom: lolwut? _'LOL'_

Born to Bitch: you know, that's exactly what she meant.

5: wat did i ment? _'confused'_

Asian Idol: …?

Finnstermonster: like, uh… wha? …

Sleepwalker: you don't…

Born to Bitch: yes, exactly what you are thinking. Kurt lost his virginity with Blaine.

Finnstermonster: ! ! ! …

Asian Idle: …

Born to Bitch: now Finny boy, I hope you'll have the brains to NOT tell Kurt's dad. Okayz? _'heart'_

Finnstermonster: …. Uh…

Finnstermonster: … yea… I gues…

Finnstermonster left the channel.

IAteYourMom: again – everybody saw that. I ain't said a word in this. It was her.

Born to Bitch: there. Solved.

Sleepwalker: I'm not really sure I'd call that solved…

5: did fin go help kurt luuk for wat he lost?


	4. the kurtain falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The grand reveal!

_IAteYourMom is now Away From Keyboard._

Bedazzler Man joins the channel.

Bedazzler Man: Puck, I would really appreciate it if you'd start projecting your wild Freudian fantasies elsewhere.

Puck You: Heyyyy Hummel I worked hard on that one! Even guggled the speling.

Bedazzler Man: I am humbled by the monstrous effort.

Puck You: _'devil'_

5 changes nickname to 4.

Mr. Anderson joins the channel.

Mr. Anderson: Hi guys!

Asian Idle: Yo, Ne-yo :D

Mr. Anderson: :)

4: hai blain

Mr. Anderson: Hi Brittany, why the sudden nick change?

4: 1 ov my imagineri frends brok up wit mi _'sob'_

Born to Bitch: Poor you.

4: dats okai. hi sed it was teim to gou tu his houm planet. But hi promizd wed stil be seksting on wikendz

Asian Idol: _'shock'_

Mr. Anderson: Umm… Wow.

4: brb lord tubbington is chokin on a lego…

Born to Bitch: Drats, another two months of secretly looking through her phone.

Born to Bitch: (message blocked by language filter)

Born to Bitch: (message deleted by user)

Bedazzler Man: It amazes me how you are even able to understand something in it.

Born to Bitch: We girls have our secret ways of understanding each other. Kinda like you blue boys have a mental channel for exchanging messages about Burberry sales. Only ours is sexier.

Bedazzler Man: I figured that much.

Mr. Anderson: Um… Kurt?

Bedazzler Man: That's me. Another Puck attack. Don't ask.

Mr. Anderson: Okay…

4: Im bak. Lord tubbington aksidently got a grin lego in his chiz fondu. insted of red onez

Sleepwalker: So guys, how was your 'appointment'?

Asian Idol: Yeah, how did it go?

Mr. Anderson: Well…

Puck You: There better be unicorn butts involved!

Bedazzler Man: Okay, if I had any intention of sharing that experience with you, it's all gone thanks to Puck.

Asian Idle: Aw c'mon!

Bedazzler Man: Not a word. I am sure whatever story you come up with will be ten thousand times more entertaining (and perverted).

Born to Bitch: Dang it, Puck, you never learned to use your mouth right.

Puck You: Screw that! Spill the beans, Kurtie, or your next nickname will make your eyes bleed red rinestones.

Bedazzler Man: Not unless I change my password! Which is exactly what I'm going to do.

Bedazzler Man: Blaine, call me later.

Bedazzler Man left the channel.

Puck You: Good luck with that. _'trollface'_

Mr. Anderson: Puck, would you stop picking on Kurt if I told you what happened?

Puck You: …

Puck You: Maybe :)

Asian Idol: Don't trust him!

Mr. Anderson: I'm gonna take a chance. It's not that big of a deal, anyways.

Born to Bitch: We're listening.

4: did u get kurt a unicorn to match hiz buttt?

Mr. Anderson: Uh, what?...

Asian Idol: Brittany, don't even start!

Mr. Anderson: Should I feel concerned about that?

Asian Idle: No.

Sleepwalker: No!

Asian Idol: No!

Born to Bitch: Just get on with it!

_Mercedes joins the channel._

Mercedes: Hi guys.

Sleepwalker: Heey, look who's just in time for the big getting tattoos story! :D

Mr. Anderson: Hi Mercedes!

Mercedes: Oh. Great. There better not be any blood and pain involved.

Born to Bitch: That is not even possible.

Mr. Anderson: Well… actually, it is.

Puck You: Now THAT's intruging… entrigung… intri… crap, stupid word!

Mercedes: So what did happen?

Mr. Anderson: Well, we already had a design prepared; Kurt spent like two weeks googling tattoo designs and then, when he finally chose one, he spent another week twisting it in Photoshop to make it perfect.

Asian Idol: That's so like him :)

Asian Idle: Yeah!

Born to Bitch: So? What's it look like?

Mr. Anderson: Well, it's like this symbol that resembles a treble clef with little vignettes around it that slightly resemble the letter P.

Sleepwalker: P? o_O

Mercedes: Why the hell P?

Mr. Anderson: It was Kurt's idea :) He wanted to signify the fact that I confessed my feelings to him on the day Pavarotti died.

Asian Idol: The singer? O_O

Puck You: Pizza? _'confused'_

Mr. Anderson: No :) The Warblers' pet canary. It was kind of our mascot and Kurt was taking care of it.

Asian Idle: I'm not sure I'm following… you and Kurt started dating because your pet bird died?

4: dont anderestimeit de pawer of pity seks!

Asian Idol: _'facepalm'_

Mr. Anderson: Well, it might come off that way, but it was different. When Kurt came to Warblers practice wearing black and all upset… even crying… and when he sang Blackbird as homage to Pavarotti, it was so strong, heartfelt…

Mr. Anderson: I felt like a wall in my mind just collapsed.

Mercedes: Wow.

Asian Idol: Wow! That is so romantic! _'flower'_

Born to Bitch: That story is so cute I might barf up a bunny.

Sleepwalker: Okay, a bit wordy, but at least it explains the P.

Mr. Anderson: So yeah, that was the idea. I was going to get mine on my arm, somewhere below the elbow, and Kurt was still having trouble making his mind up even as we were waiting in line.

Mercedes: I'm not sure I want to hear the rest…

4: no unikorns? :(

Born to Bitch: Keep going, finally getting to the good part!

Mr. Anderson: So yeah. There we were, and Kurt was getting frustrated quite a bit. At one point he said he needed to go to the bathroom and dashed off, but accidentally barged into one of the rooms where some girl was getting a tattoo on her shoulder.

Mr. Anderson: Sorry, phone call.

Puck You: Hey!

Asian Idol: Oh, not now!

Sleepwalker: And then what?

Mercedes: Damn you, Warbler, you'll make me gnaw my fingers off!

Born to Bitch: I bet the girl's tattoo got messed up and she kicked their asses. _'devil'_

Mr. Anderson: :)

Mr. Anderson: Almost.

Sleepwalker: so what happened?

Mr. Anderson: I guess Kurt never really got the fundamental concept of tattoo, with the needles and the whole "putting ink under your skin" process. When he saw the blood and the girl's pained expression, he let out one of the highest notes I've ever heard from him and, well.

Mr. Anderson: He passed out.

Puck You: _'LOL' 'LOL' 'LOL'_

Asian Idle: That's what I call FAIL (sorry, but it's true)

Asian Idol: Awwww :'(

Mr. Anderson: Yeah, it was pretty bad. We had to take a cab because he was in no condition to drive and I'd forgotten my license. And then he kicked me out and said he had to be alone for a while which means he's super depressed.

Mr. Anderson: So please, guys, give him some support and don't bug him about it, okay?

Asian Idol: Of course! We got your back.

Mercedes: Well, since nobody got hurt, I'll go easy on you.

Asian Idle: We're with you, man.

Born to Bitch: Oh suuuuure, we won't give you a hard time. _'trollface'_

Puck You: We promise _'trollface'_

Sleepwalker: I am having big trouble believing those two… Anyways, Blaine, you can count on us.

Mr. Anderson: Thank you so much! I have to go now, bye!

_Mr. Anderson left the channel._

Mercedes: Well, that was "fun".

_Mercedes is now Away From Keyboard._

Puck You: Lol, I'm gonna make a list of things to get on Hummel's nerves with. And some awesome new nickname options. _'trollface'_ Bb gtg!

_Puck You left the channel._

Asian Idle: Guess who got movie tickets :)

Asian Idol: Yay! I love you _'flower'_

Asian Idle: _'heart'_

Born to Bitch: Ew, what is this, some sappy teen romcom?

4: aii gooot samtin fun tu duuuu

Born to Bitch: And what are you up to?

4: alion abduktion teim!

_4 changes username to 6._

_6 left the channel._

Sleepwalker: I wonder if I should be thinking about what that might mean…

Born to Bitch: Oh CRAP!

_Born to Bitch left the channel._

Sleepwalker: Umm, no, probably not. Much rather play some video games.

_Sleepwalker is now Away From Keyboard._

The End.


	5. private chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter.

_Private chat created._

Finnstermonster: Uh…... Hi…...

Mr. Anderson: Hi, Finn, how are you?

Finnstermonster: Okay… I guess… how… are you?

Mr. Anderson: Fine, thanks :) I'm assuming you're hoping to get a scoop about our little adventure with Kurt?

Finnstermonster: Oh no! NO. I mean… well….. kind of… but… no.

Mr. Anderson: Finn, that's not really something to be so stressed about o_O

Finnstermonster: Ummmm… it's not? o_O

Mr. Anderson: Not really. o_O Maybe a while ago, but now it's so common – everybody does it, so it seems that discussing it openly is absolutely acceptable.

Finnstermonster: Well, I dunno…

Mr. Anderson: I mean, I've already told the other guys in the chat; they seemed to be dying from curiosity.

FinnstermonsterL Really? o_O

Mr. Anderson: Really :)

Finnstermonster: Oh, cool. So… how… uhh… _'blush'_

Mr. Anderson: To cut the long story short: we got there, but didn't get through all the way.

Finnstermonster: Oh… kay… not too TMI…

Mr. Anderson: Kurt realized (only then, lol) that it was going to hurt, and, well, passed out at the most crucial moment.

Finnstermonster: Hurt?

Mr. Anderson: Of course. That's an inevitable part of the process, isn't it?

Finnstermonster: Dunno bout that…

Mr. Anderson: I mean, the whole thing is partially a 'ritual' to show off how tough and manly you are, right?

Finnstermonster: Whatever, man, just don't get Kurt to do something that will make me want to knock your teeth out!

Mr. Anderson: What?!

Finnstermonster: Damn, this is way too awkward!

_Finnstermonster left the channel._

Mr. Anderson: What. The. HELL.

Mr. Anderson: For some reason, I have a weird feeling like we weren't talking about the same thing.

Mr. Anderson: Sheesh.

_Mr. Anderson left the channel._

The REAL end.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I kinda ignored the fact that they're all underage, so tattoos are a no-no for most of them. Boo xP


End file.
